Sunday, November 04, 2007

Paris Hilton's Body Disappoints

Paris Hilton's Body Disappoints

I somehow got the idea that Paris Hilton had at one time made a porn movie, so I took a shot at finding a torrent for it, and ended up successfully downloading this:

Mu +-+ ParisHilton torrent .avi.torrent

Though my bittorrent P2P software seems to be a bit hit and miss, th mystical Mu downloaded okay, so, with a trembling sense of boyish expectation, I played it ... and was stunningly disappointed.

The wretched thing is some kind of girlish food-themed song track with video of Paris (I presume that's her) chastely strutting her stuff and quacking something like "Shake a my body, move a my body ... oh HEY! Time out,
And a question: would you like to look at my ?
Yes, I would, but it's not there to be seen.
What is there to be seen is occasional shots of Paris seemingly eating or drinking. Okay, so we're in the food zone. Does this stuff count as soft porn for the anorexia bulemia mob?
I went to Wikipedea to see if I could find out anything more about the somewhere-asserted-to-exist Parisian porn movie ...

I tried the search "Paris Hilton Porn Movie" and ended up at a page for a movie called THE GIRL NEXT DOOR. The page says, in part:

[# During the scene in the strip club when Emile Hirsch is trying to figure out how to smoke the cigar, it falling out of his mouth is an accident. The director liked it so much, he left it in.
# Paris Hilton parodies this movie in her music video for "Nothing in This World" (2006), in which Elisha Cuthbert has a cameo.]
I then did a search for "Nothing in the World," which turns out to be a single by Atomic Kitten from the album LADIES NIGHT.
I then did an Internet search for "ParisHilton porn movie"

Over five million pages, the Google snippet for the first being this:

[Paris Hilton xxx video - porn movie
Paris Hilton famous porn video! So you heard the news about xxx tape with Paris Hilton on it? She doesn pretty hardcore stuff in this home made movie :) ... - 7k - Cached - Similar pages]

From that page you can click to this page:

... which gives you a montage of Paris in various clothed poses. One photo is an obscure piece of what might conceivably be food porn. Sh's biting some kind of biggish fruit, but I can't tell what it is. A choko?

Another snippet:

[News results for paris hilton porn video

Okay, we have innocent video of Paris in the shower here:

E Canada Now Hilton Threatens to Sue Porn Shop - 21 hours ago
Paris Hilton threatened to sue the manager of an adult video store in Toronto ... footage online documenting the socialite's October visit to the porn shop,]

[In the heated exchange, she can be heard asking for the manager, before saying, "I really want those taken down, because you guys can't use my image in a porn store, so you've got to take those down. I'm gonna call my lawyer now to sue the [bleep] out of this place."]

I think that's all the time I want to spend on this, though I wouldn't mind seeing authentic erotic video some time of Paris Hilton. (Or ditto of Madonna, George W. Bush, New Zealand's Helen Clerk or Queen Elizabeth the Second.

However, if you yourself wish to pursue the Hilton Truth, you might try this URL:

The page says, in part:

[mutGremlins knows just how hard it is to find Paris Hilton nude pictures and Sex Movies online, So Smut Gremlins has put together some links to Paris Hilton - your favorite celeb. Our goal at is to bring you some of the hottest naked celeb images, Including the scandulous Paris Hilton and Rick Solomon sex tape. In addition there are other nude celeb links here.]

You could also go straight to this page:

This has photos of (1) Paris Hilton, (2) her open mouth, (3) something I hope she is not going to be vicious enough to bite off.

If I somewhere find some torrid video of the Queen and George W. then I will tell you about it. However, in the interim, let me recommend a blow job video. This is free, innocent, witty, amusing and guaranteed not to gross anyone out:


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