Friday, April 13, 2007

Advice for Cancer Patients

Advice for Cancer Patients
This advice for cancer patients makes sensible suggestions on issues such as diet, hygiene and safety. It is intended to supplement the advice given in the author's medical memoir CANCER PATIENT, which focuses on the issue of how to manage the information overload which is associated with having cancer.
ADVICE FOR CANCER PATIENTS
Eat sensibly.Try to cultivateA varied diet.Fruit and vegetables are recommended.BroccoliIs so disgustingly healthyThat you cannot possibly avoid it.Do not restrict your dietary intakeTo any one of the foods in the following list:Sherbet,Treacle,Sliced lotus rootOr chewing gum.Do not misconstrueAlcohol as a vitamin.
Do not share your medications with othersAnd do not sample theirs, either.Keep dangerous substances,Including your personal thoughts,Well out of the reach of children.In the case of extreme painYour doctor may opt for morphineOr diamorphine.But please do not self-prescribe.
Be warned that some herbsAre serious medicinesAnd your doctors should be advisedIf you are taking them.Additionally,There are certain herbsWhich may be illegal in the jurisdictionIn which you are domiciled.
Take exercise regularly.Be sure to get out of bedAt least once in the course of a day.
Minimize risk.You have taken your lifeTo the most serious casino that there is.Do not make things worse.This is not the time to be experimentingWith a fresh marriage,A new job,Scuba diving,Bungee jumpingOr Russian roulette.And always keep in mind this:A busy road is not a fun park.Look BOTH waysThen look againIn the direction of the prevailing traffic,And only cross when you are ABSOLUTELY SUREThat it is safe.
For the sake of health, underpantsShould be changed at least once in every lunar month.Toenails,If never cut,Will eventually become inconvenient.Your hair, if never washed,Will ultimately become attractive to cockroaches.What else can I tell you?If a stranger approaches you in a darkened cinema,Remember that the usher is your friend.Oh, and ... keep your fingers crossed.

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