Friday, October 12, 2007

Yes, We Have No Bananas

Yes, We Have No Bananas

Some time back, when three-year-old daughter Cornucopia was only two, I denounced her behavior online as being that of one of the most terrible of the terrible twos. In response, one correspondent saw fit to e-mail me with the warning that the threes can often be more terrible than the twos.

As Corny's behavior had, at the time, been apocalyptic ally awful, I was inclined to doubt that this was the case, but some of her behavior in the last week or so has convinced me that perhaps my correspondent was right.

On a recent day, I delivered a breakfast banana to the kitchen table, and her response was to throw it on the floor and bellow "Chisai!" (= "Small!).

I responded by saying that, on my last outing to our local outlet of Bananas R Us, all they had in stock was very small bananas, so a small banana was all she was getting. With that, I politely replaced the banana on the table.

Her response was a scream of agony, as if I had just gone and shoved a red-hot needle up her nose. All the torments of the Twenty-First Century were compressed in that operatic scream, a shriek of agony from the doomed m of Gotterdammerung.

"Chisai!" she shrieked.

And, with that, hurled the titchy banana to the ground.

I contemplated my options, which were two in number.

#1. Take her to a psychiatrist, have strong drugs prescribed, and, a few years down the track, deliver her to a mental institution for treatment in the form of ice cube baths, insulin injections, electroshock therapy and, eventually, a lobotomy.

#2. Ignore her.

I chose option #2, and the titchy banana remained where it was on the floor until, some hours later, I added it to my lunch.

It is now late Friday afternoon, and I am pleased to report that my food shopping expedition today means that the house is now stocked with bananas of a proper size, the same size as the ones we routinely import into New Zealand by the shipload from places such as Ecuador. And, in addition, I have bought more of the chocolate ice cream that Corny has almost exhausted.

My next task is going to be to view and critique SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS, a free (and, I hope, not just free but also legal) movie that I succeeded in accessing and downloading by using the GET STUFF option provided by BitTorrent 6.0.

My dark suspicion is that perhaps it is free for a reason, ie is free because it is every bit as crappy as the title suggests it might be. But we will see.


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