Saturday, November 17, 2007

My Solution Makes Things Worse.

My Solution Makes Things Worse.

Problem: Can't navigate in the dark. Get lost in my own bedroom.

Theory: If up in the night, switch on the lights, go for what you want without disturbing anyone - toilet, drink of water, cup of tea, bowl of ice cream. No problem!

Reality: The night is HUGE and the light switches are lost in the infinite folds of its immensity. Worse, the floor is cluttered with an infinite number of objects, these including an oil heater, my wife's sniper rifle, the surgical suite from daughter Cornucopia's dolls hospital, our cactus collection, a set of throwing knives, the needles of my extremely ancient army-issue sewing kit and an instructional manual called HOW TO BECOME AN EFFECTIVE SERIAL KILLER IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS.
Having gone through a truly nightmarish struggle to find two light switches, I decided the smart thing to do would be to leave them on, but, when I woke again, later in the night, the whole of the downstairs area was, unaccountably, an inscrutable mass of myriadddddddddddddddddddddsdddddd-option blackness.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hugh

Try buying a motion sensitive night light like those used by people with small kids they need to navigate to? Even if it doesn't produce enough light for your eyes to see with, if you set it up close to a light switch, at leats you'll know eher it is.

Chris

6:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You might also find that low power led lights attached above door frames would help you orient yourself.

They wouldn't need to be very bright -- but you could use them to map the space to what you're familiar with.

Also, since light-switches are usually next to doors ...

Anyhow, good luck.

3:05 PM  
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